On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've blown a few things in my day
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
