The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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