I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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