I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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