so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
