Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
