Im at strip club and am horny
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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