Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
