Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
