you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
