You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
