i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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