If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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