i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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