Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
