last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's always time for handjobs
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
