Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
