yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
