All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
