dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
