There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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