you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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