OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
