i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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