Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
