I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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