Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
