Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
