it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
