Pappa wants mamma naked
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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