I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
