Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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