But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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