fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
