Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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