my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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