I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
