I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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