I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
