i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
