Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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