Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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