what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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