I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Two words: blizzard sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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