why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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