AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
