wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
