I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
