I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
