Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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