He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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