She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
