i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
