Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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